dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
zippers are such a cool invention
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
