youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
