You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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