I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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