when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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