the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
