So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
