stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
