Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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