Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
