He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the day after is always just damage control
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
