my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
