Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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