So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He felt like a one man threesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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