she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
