He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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