evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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