Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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