This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
