So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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