chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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