did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
