8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
