i barfeds in our rink
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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