I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
