I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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