we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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