considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
