guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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