I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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