Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
