Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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