i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
