i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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