I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We need to rekindle our bromance
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
