why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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