I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
