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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
