Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
