I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
