Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Randomize
