thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
