I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
