your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
