I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
