I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
