Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
