I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
