How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
