I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
