lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A+ Viking dick
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