Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
