: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
