nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
