Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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