Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
