i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
