I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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