I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
