Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
