Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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