I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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