Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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