I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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