When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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