Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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