Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
