I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My balls are so social today.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
