went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
