She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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