My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
